<exhale> Well, crap...
So, being a brand spankin' new mom totally interferred with my grand dream of sitting down and writing during the day on my maternity leave, giving me loads of time of course to complete and submit a marvelous manuscript, which of course, would be instantly chosen by a publisher to print...or at least that is the excuse I will use. But seriously, can you deny this face attention?
David at the Rockyview visiting Grandpa...
That, and well, my "only summer off with my son" didn't quite go as planned. Around June 20th we had a mightly big flood here in Calgary!! On June 24th, my sister had to get the police to break into my father's house to get him. Long story short - he had a stroke, then a heart attack. They told us twice the first week he wasn't going to make it as his kidneys were shutting down, he had an infection in his leg, and he got double pnemonia in his lungs. Needless to say from June 24th onward I was at the hospital every single day with David to be with my Dad. (and my sister - we REALLY got to know staff at the Rockyview and Carewest - David was a big hit there!)
He DID recover by the way, AND after 2-days shy of 2 months, dad got to go home. He is now receiving Home Care, and realizing he will never work again and must retire early. On the plus side, he IS alive - good thing he's a stubborn man.
So as you can see, I have numerous things to use as excuses for not writing. To be honest, I just wasn't in the mood.
The very scary incident with Dad did allow me to spend a great deal of time with my sister (she's on the left in purple, I'm on the right), so we would spend mornings at the hospital and try to find something to do with our kids in the afternoons. Sometimes it worked out, sometimes not so much - but we tried!
David started his daycare and I came off maternity leave and have been back at work since September 3rd. To be honest, since June 24th I haven't thought of much other than Dad and family. Little Fish belly dance classes are starting up, and this Friday, I start teaching my belly dance classes again - life is going back to "normal" (as much as my life can be normal).
I printed off the ARWA newsletter today and saw a reminder for annual dues and thought "OMG! It's really September already!!!" so I immediately went and renewed my membership. All the while feeling hugely guilty for not writing a damn thing in a very, very long time. <sigh>
Then do you know what I did? I am quite proud of myself actually. I called my mother and asked her to babysit for the Thursday night September meeting later this month! I will actually be able to attend the meeting without trying to chase down my 1-year old (he turned one on September 5th!) as he is crawling QUICKLY and almost trying to walk - it's just too much to try to attend a meeting and chase him down - I can't focus on what I'm there for.
I've just been so focused on being a Mom and being there for my Dad that it feels like I haven't been there for myself. I know it is wrong, and I know I need to take better care of myself (David and I currently have bronchitis - yay for daycare...).
Baby steps (no pun intended). I need to take baby steps. The whole "I'm going to write a manuscript no problem while on maternity leave" thing didn't pan out. So I will take baby steps. Getting a babysitter so I can attend our first ARWA Thursday night meeting (AND pay attention) in September is a start.
David and Mommy on his 1st birthday
Isn't his morning face adorable?
Maybe being back at work and in an office environment will give me the desire to begin writing again. Maybe not. Either way I need to get off my ass and start writing again - I need to find that desire, that spark again.
Hmmmm....maybe I'll think about it over cake and coffee...